observations on life

He’s Just A Man

They’re just men.  They can’t help it.  Between the testosterone poisoning that’s been coursing through their veins since they were in the womb, and the inferior Y chromosome which is too short to have everything on it that it should, they really can’t help it.  It’s not their fault.  They are not responsible for the fact that they are brain damaged and lack common sense.

For instance, studies show that men are simply unable to discern color as well as women are.  Men say “it’s blue” or “it’s green,” when it’s really aqua, or turquoise, or teal, or apple green or forest green or kelly green.  Mine thinks our brown house is purple.  This color disability is usually not a major problem, unless he thinks he’s buying you a gift that matches.

Other things are more difficult.  A woman must be VERY CAREFUL to say exactly what she means, because he cannot infer a simple bloody thing.  For example, I say, “Are you done in the kitchen?”  He says, “I’m going to load the dishwasher, then let the pans soak while I walk the dog, then I’ll finish up when I get back.”  Me –“So then I shouldn’t turn off the light, right?”  And when you describe this exchange to a man, any man, he still doesn’t understand the problem.  No kidding–you can try it yourself.  He cannot understand that a simple yes or no would have been all that was necessary.  But really it’s my fault for forgetting that he is incapable of inference, and I asked the wrong question. (All men can think of is,”Gee, he cleans up the kitchen?” as if it’s rocket science and men are too stupid to do it.)

My husband brings a wet, dripping grocery bag home from work.  He hands it to me and says, “There used to be plant in here that was in my office.”  I open it, it drips all over, and I say, “Yuck, just set it out there, would you?”  “Out there” means on the enclosed porch that he just walked through to get into the house.  Did I say “Set it outside?”  No.  So this morning I look out, and it’s sitting outside on the deck.  Which is not a hardship, but it makes no sense either.  Why would I want a plastic bag with a flower pot in it on the seat of the deck?  It’s March.  “Put it outside where it can look ugly and then freeze and break, would you honey?”  It’s my fault, because I didn’t say “Set it out ON THE PORCH, would you?”  But it’s OK.  He’s just a man, and it’s not his fault.

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