observations on life

Call 911!!!!!!

Here are three entries from yesterday’s Argus Leader newspaper.  They are all listed under “Argus 911” which reports police calls.

“A duck was disrupting traffic at 41st and Minnesota but had moved to the McDonald’s parking lot.”

“Children were harrassing geese in the 1000 block of North Menlo Avenue.”

” An intoxicated man was reported to be skipping down the street with one shoe on at Fifth and Franklin.”

I swear I am not making this up.  I ask you.  What is the matter with these people?  What’s next?  Calling the police because you dropped your cell phone in the toilet?  “Police were called when a woman stubbed her toe at 4th and Phillips.”

Could I just make a couple of practical suggestions here?  How about, if there’s a duck in the street, someone who is driving there gets out of the car and herds the duck to safer ground?  Like, you know, a regular person who is not a police officer.  Can we do nothing for ourselves anymore?

I live near Covell Lake, which is where the “children were harrassing geese.”  If I saw kids harrassing geese, I’d go right over to them and say “Leave those geese alone right now.  Now go home and stay out of trouble.”  Why do we need to call the police?  Just be an adult for the love of god, and intervene.

Now here’s my favorite–the man skipping down the sidewalk.  I can see it:

“Norman.  Norman, come here and look at this man out on the sidewalk.  He’s skipping.”

Norman: “He must be drunk.”

“And look!  He’s only wearing one shoe!”

Norman: “He must be drunk.  I’m calling the police.”

Imagine yourself, looking out your window and seeing an adult man skipping down the street.  Imagine what you’d think and feel.  I imagine I would be delighted.  What a wonderful thing, a man skipping along, happy as a child, unselfconscious, enjoying himself.  But he’s only wearing one shoe.  I hope he has another pair, he looks like he’s poor.  Maybe I’ll go skip along with him.

Some days I cannot believe I live in this world.


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